Writing those sex (sweet, spicy, erotica) scenes

Sex scenes can be closed door to sweet to spicy to erotica. Closed door is when the hero and heroine link hands, meander to the bedroom, and the chapter ends. Next chapter is the morning after. Sweet romance is where a description of a kiss happens with a bit more oomph; nothing overtly sexual. Spicy is overtly sexual (penis into vagina), and erotica is no holds barred. Double entry? No problem. Shackled to a wall? Also, no problem.

Writing sex scenes is hard. Yes, it’s great to have an imagination but at the same time,how do you write the scenes without becoming boring or cliche? How many ways can you say dick (cock, bulge, etc)? What about pussy (her center, wetness, etc)? Turns out, a lot!

I asked Sarah in one of my weekly writer’s groups, whose writing a m/m paranormal romance, how to write a sex scene that isn’t a cliche or boring.

Sarah pulled out a stack of books:

I bought them all.

Other resources included a PDF on a survey of preferred lewd names! (I highly recommend reading these as the variations of names for pussy, dick, ass, and so on gets pretty funny.)

I added the Sexy Thesaurus list I found a few years ago:

I’ve been inhaling spicy romances and there are a few common threads. (I primarily read on my Kindle so I’m using percentages instead of page numbers.)

  1. The slow burn starts around 20% mark.
  2. The first sexy scene happens at around the 50% mark. (Sometimes around the 40 – 45% mark but never after the 50% mark.)
  3. Second sex scene happens around the 75% mark.

As I read the sex scenes, I imagine what’s going on. Okay, so, she’s on her stomach with knees up and he’s entering her from behind. I can see that. In Morbidly Yours, there is a cuddle fuck (the couple are spooning and he enters from behind). Personally, I’m a big fan of cuddle sex and Morbidly Yours is the first book I’ve read representing this position. (I highly recommend Morbidly Yours.)

The thing to watch out for in reading spicy romances is becoming desensitized to the sex scenes which is not great for the inspiration or imagination. There is only so many times you can read variations of a cock/dick/staff entering a pussy/center/wetness. I treat each scene as titillation and research.

To that end, Scarlet writes contemporary romance and Kat MacFee will write erotica. Scarlet’s first contemporary romance is serialized on Instagram and Facebook beginning today (April 22, 2024). Kate will be writing for Kindle Vella and Unlimited.

If you’re interested in beta testing either author’s work, let me know!


home > blog > Writing those sex (sweet, spicy, erotica) scenes